19 October 2009
Ever wonder how much the people around us influence the way we see ourselves?
How their lives, their choices, their troubles and their success weigh on our own self-analysis?
I had dinner with some friends from long ago. Three girls I grew up with. We lived our teen years together, shared the joys and woes of the first crushes, and learned true friendship from each other. We all got married, eventually, at different times. We all lived very different lives, chose different careers and lifestyles. We all have children. My marriage is over. One girl’s marriage is in deep crisis. The other two are leading happy and rewarding family lives.
We all eat together, we talk about the past, the present, about our children, our dreams, the way we used to be. Are we really changed? How have we changed and why? Why do some people go through trouble in a marriage and somehow are able to make it through, while others just quit? Did I quit? Did I give up on my dream? Did I stop fighting?
At one time in my marriage I felt trapped. I felt stuck. I felt that I had given up on all my dreams. What dreams? I had so many! Or did I? My family was my dream, the biggest one, the most exciting one, the greatest dream I have ever had. The dream of Love. A love so great, so strong, so powerful and oh! so beautiful! A love so real, so pure, so all-encompassing... a love to lose oneself in it! A love so unbelievable I don’t think I could have dreamt it!
The love above it all, the love that makes everything else seem unimportant, the love that poets strive to write about, the love that fills the heart and soul and body, the inebriating love that makes one feel alive! Was that not what I dreamed, little more than a child, alone in my room, listening to music and writing poetry, gazing at the stars? Was that not the love I yearned for, tearing my soul in the bliss of loneliness?
Did anything else matter then? Did I dream of a career, of an education, of a social life, when, coming home after a night of excess, I would bury my face in the pillow, in the darkness and dismay? No. I dreamt of a man with marble eyes, drying my tears and holding me in his arms....
So WTF!!??!! What was it that I felt slipping away? Is there anything else?
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thank you for inviting me to your blog.you are like an excotic flower. a rare one. I hope over time we will truly be friends. I know though that I live my life less through the computer than you do. the photographs of food are excelent!MY passion right now is learning Spanish and I feel lucky in love now too.I feel that I have found a soul mate who shares my concern for mother Earth. I wish you luck and joy in love and hope you are able to keep faith with your children.Keep up with those responsibilities!Sharryflint
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